This past Monday I for some reason had the desire to look up and study the standard arguments that are made against gun regulation, something I had only done via left/liberal counter-arguments in the past. I knew it would take some effort: using only online sources, I still wanted to filter out liberal "punching-bag" interpretations, junk aggregator sites, Orwellian "two minutes hate" and similar anger-generator sites, personal blogs, conspiracy and fringe groups, and miscellaneous crap. In short, I wanted the serious. rational, best-face conservative argument—something I felt I had never actually had the chance to consider.

Well, it would take a longish article to describe the experience fully. I made three attempts in the course of the day because depression and disgust quickly sapped my energy and my "will to think," and I gave up twice after less than 20 minutes. I'm not sure if my third and final attempt was "successful" or not.

My first discovery, which I should have expected, was that there is no Conservative argument about "gun regulation," a phrase that gun rights advocates are as incapable of articulating as abortion foes are of uttering the word "choice." OK, fine. "Gun control," then.

My depression and disgust was the result of discovering that the political logjam that has paralyzed our response to gun violence, from Virgina Tech through Sandy Hook, from Orlando to Las Vegas, is based on arguments that, in their "serious, rational, best-face" version, are absolutely monstrous. There were a couple of pages where I honestly wondered whether they were actually the work of left-wing infiltrators trying to undermine the conservative "arguments." But no. They do this all by themselves. Paranoia cast as civic virtue. Cause-and-effect scenarios that follow the logic of a toddler's nightmares about monsters under the bed. And the monsters themselves excuse the most ridiculous "arguments" as every rhetorical point ends with some version of "and then the liberals will take away our guns, and then they'll take our freedoms." Yes, really. "The liberals"!

Did I simply not search hard enough? Had I not found the serious people? Maybe, but I finally abandoned the search when I realized that it was often practicing lawyers and academics, bona-fide experts, who were making the most absurd and dishonest claims. One Ph.D. quipped, as a truth too obvious for proof, that "assault weapons" didn't even exist until liberals invented the term (Less extreme versions of this ridiculous claim seem to be the latest fashion and figure prominently in the talking points of the second-amendment absolutists). While I could and probably should now lead a guided tour through the incredible self-parodying and self-destructing arguments, I simply can't hold my nose for that long. So, I'll just offer one direct quote from one "10 best arguments" list. This is my absolute favorite for the sheer bald-faced suspension of disbelief that holds it together. It is not the stupidest. Not even close.

Arguing in 10 Arguments Against Gun Control that the Second Amendment right to bear arms specifically envisions civilians bearing assault rifles, one bright light explains,

Gun control opponents, however, have long argued that the Second Amendment was put in place not just for ordinary home defense against burglars but specifically to guarantee that the nation could never be overcome by any military power foreign or domestic. If the five branches of the US military were beaten by, say, a nuclear holocaust, the only national defense left would be the civilians themselves. Any subsequent military invasion—probably armed with AK-47 variants—would find it very easy to overrun civilians armed only with lever, bolt, and pump action weapons.

I repeat. While this great mind's horrifically cute idea of "nuclear holocaust" makes this my favorite for its adorably intense imbecility, it is FAR FROM the stupidest argument out there. But these arguments are effectively the smoke screen for what currently drives our response to our ongoing national bloodbath.

Both this sad conclusion along with the entire experience has left me quite exhausted and depressed. I could really use some thoughts and prayers sent my way. TIA.